Sequel please!

I watched BBC3’s “Like A Virgin” programme with interest last week for three reasons:

1. Having met Cherry (the presenter) a few times, I think she’s a legend and still do. I have also found her other programmes to be really interesting and well thought-out.
2. In its embryonic stages, Researchers asked RA if we would be able to produce virgins (from our special Virgin Cupboard) for said programme. We didn’t in the end.
3. Our constitution states that any programme about teenage sexuality has to be endured, sorry, enjoyed, by a least one member of the RA team and reported on. (I made that one up.)

(What is that game where you have to tell 2 truths and 1 lie and someone has to guess the lie?! It’s like that)

And it seems that a few other people also watched it and wanted to know what we thought, so here goes…

I guess the first thing to say is that we totally appreciate and understand the fascination with virginity. We also appreciate the desire to make a programme about it because let’s face it; it’s not really a widely discussed, every day, topic. We also recognise that it’s not everyone’s bag to discuss one of the most intimate (we’d hope/physically at least) moments of one’s life and that for teenagers, the ‘V’ sitch can be a really sensitive issue.

Therefore, imagine our disappointment (putting it mildly) when we realised that yet another programme for young people about sex, had failed to see, address or take responsibility for the bigger picture and the overriding message it’s giving out.

Seriously though, how can one programme simultaneously discuss the regret felt from a drunken and disembodied first time -  “He didn’t know me, he didn’t care about me” - AND also hope that a 17 year old gives hers away on a girls holiday to some random, in a similar fashion (so we can film it)…?

Entertainment vs. Education – I’m sure most young people know the difference…

I know there are protests happening this week against the Nadine Dorries Abstinence Bill. Tired of the constant polarization and sensationalism that this debate brings, Romance Academy has pretty much, deliberately chosen to stay out of it. Yes, we know and support the fact that abstinence-only education does not help to protect those who are already sexually active. But neither does young people not understanding ‘no’ as part of consent, alongside programmes that continue to insist that sex has no context.

There is a debate to be had here, we’re just engaging in a different one. One that takes into consideration the kind of society we’re currently living in and will be living in if certain narratives continue to be elevated above others -

Bigger picture thinking or 'BPT' as we like to call it. Forward-slash. Hashtag.

If, as the programme states that: “60% of people weren’t ready to do it when they lost their virginity” then why did they?

It’s ironic to think that programmes like this never seem to address the ‘why?’ but almost always unknowingly answer it…

As we saw with Cherry, it is with the hindsight and reflection of an adult that we realise how choices we made as a teenager may have impacted our life since. We realise that we weren’t adults back then no matter how much we thought we were. So why in our society do we continue to perpetuate so many foolish narratives to those coming behind? Especially the one about virginity being something you just need to get rid of as soon as it’s legal - oh and by the way, it will probably be terrible for all the wrong reasons:

“I’ve not found the magic formula to start a great sex life, because I don’t think there is one…”

We surely have more to offer young people? A different story? Because if we do “hate that (our) lovely story might not be (our) first time” and recognise there might be an alternative, shouldn’t we try to help protect more young people from going through the same? Don't we want them to win? 

No, it’s not very nice when someone selfishly uses your body for their own pleasure, especially when you’ve never let anyone ‘there’ before, let’s be honest.

TBH, feeling pretty tired of deconstructing poorly thought-out programmes on sex. I’m also tired of giving advice to seemingly well-meaning Researchers just for it remain in the handset of their telephone and I’m even tirederer (yeah, that is a word) of ‘consent’ being presented like it’s more about ‘rights’, than it is about maturity, self-discovery, commitment and respect.

If only Romance Academy made programmes…

Oh yeah, that’s right. We did.

Sequel anyone?!

Places now available on our regional training days.

2012 dates

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